Tears

I can't cry, but at the same time, I can't stop crying. The tears well up, blurring my vision, but they never fall or fade. I've been thinking a lot about my cutting lately. It's been months since I've cut... That anyone knows of, at least. The last time I cut was at Thanksgiving. But I think about it all the time. It seems like there isn't a moment that I don't crave it. Unless I'm high. I've been freaking out lately because I've been out of weed for a couple of weeks, too. I'm 16, I shouldn't have these problems. I also don't know what to do about my boyfriend. I don't really like guys, he's so sweet though. But that's pretty much it. That's where the attraction ends. I hate kissing him. I loathe giving head. Sex is boring, I don't get turned on by guys. Everyone keeps harassing me about the fact that I'm "Bi". I just want to scream... I'M GAY! WHAT PART OF THAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I'M ATTRACTED TO GIRLS, AND GIRLS ONLY! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! But of course I don't. I keep everything locked up for fear of ridicule. I often wonder if maybe everyone goes through this and just doesn't say anything. It would make sense. It would explain why so many people have these problems such as cutting. And, just my luck, I got a bunch of pocket knives for Christmas...

Good night...